Walking with the Lord over the years is a bit like peeling an onion. He strips away those lifeless outer layers, one by one, until the real you comes to the surface. He wants to get down to the best part, but at the beginning, we don't want to be exposed for who we really are and wish He would leave that covering alone. There is pain. There are tears.

It is a progression, and we can see it in the lives of the Apostle Paul and the other Apostles. At the start of his writing, Paul was rather proud of his pedigree and zeal.

(Philippians 3:4-6 NKJV) If anyone else thinks he may have confidence in the flesh, I more so: circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of the Hebrews; concerning the law, a Pharisee; concerning zeal, persecuting the church; concerning the righteousness which is in the law, blameless.

We could replace that whole paragraph with, 'The Lord is pretty lucky to have found me...' or, 'What do you think of that, Peter? *smirk*' Now, the LORD understands and loves us so much that He will not leave us like that. He knows how to peel an onion properly, and He takes His sweet time. He is not in a hurry. About ten years later, we see Paul defending the gospel he was preaching and himself a bit less, though some layers of pride remain.

(Galatians 1:11-14 NKJV) But I make known to you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached by me is not according to man. For I neither received it from man, nor was I taught it, but it came through the revelation of Jesus Christ. For you have heard of my former conduct in Judaism, how I persecuted the church of God beyond measure and tried to destroy it. And I advanced in Judaism beyond many of my contemporaries in my own nation, being more exceedingly zealous for the traditions of my fathers.

Some years later, we see that Paul has lost more layers. Now he is the least of the Apostles, not even worthy to be called one, though he couldn't help but mention that he labored more than they all...

(1 Corinthians 15:9-10 NKJV) For I am the least of the apostles, who am not worthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.

Notice the whole time that Paul has been comparing himself to the other apostles, horizontal, man to man, but the LORD does not need you to compare with those around you. Your problems are not people; they are often inside of you. We are supposed to be more like Jesus. He warned the disciples about this:

(Luke 6:41-42 NASB) "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? "Or how can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,' when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye."

Years later, we find Paul beginning to find a balance. He is still comparing himself to the other Apostles, but not crowing like a rooster on a fence post.

(2 Corinthians 11:5-6 NASB) For I consider myself not in the least inferior to the most eminent apostles. But even if I am unskilled in speech, yet I am not so in knowledge; ...

We can see that Jesus' disciples started much the same way. They compared themselves to each other as a unit of measurement and not by how many layers had been peeled. They were newbies, so Jesus explained it in very simple language, and it's so easy that a child can do it.

(Luke 9:46-48 NASB) An argument started among them as to which of them might be the greatest. But Jesus, knowing what they were thinking in their heart, took a child and stood him by His side, and said to them, "Whoever receives this child in My name receives Me, and whoever receives Me receives Him who sent Me; for the one who is least among all of you, this is the one who is great."

Progress in the Kingdom of God provides an honest look at yourself that becomes true humility. Later in the life of Paul, after a few more layers had been peeled, Paul began to see the reality, develop a vertical awareness, and the inside of the onion began to show. He is aware of the inner conflict.

(Romans 7:15-20 NASB) For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.

Paul is beginning to get a pretty honest look at himself now:

(Romans 7:24-25 NASB) Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! ...

At the last supper, Jesus taught His disciples an important lesson. Usually, at a meal like this, the lowest servant in the household would wash the guests' feet. It was considered beneath anyone of standing to have to do that. When they arrived that evening, no servant stepped up to do it. The disciples all sat down with their feet dirty. None of them was going be the servant. So, Jesus stood up, took a towel, and washed all of their feet - taking the place of the lowest servant in the room. Then said that He did that as an example for them.

(John 13:12-17 NKJV) So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to them, "Do you know what I have done to you? You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them."

If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them... What an interesting line. So, in other words, you could know them and not do them, and you would not be blessed. Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and not do what I say?

Towards the end of his life, we see a different Paul: the chief of sinners. He understands that it is no longer a competition among brethren or about who is the greatest. It's about who is the least.

(1 Timothy 1:12-17 NKJV) And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord who has enabled me, because He counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry, although I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man; but I obtained mercy because I did it ignorantly in unbelief. And the grace of our Lord was exceedingly abundant, with faith and love which are in Christ Jesus. This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief. However, for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all longsuffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, to God who alone is wise, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.

As Paul grew older and closer to God, his sin became apparent to him, and God's grace did as well. That's always how it works. The LORD slowly peeled away those layers until you could see the real Paul shine forth. The Apostle Paul started out with a resume and ended up with a testimony, and his testimony was a lot more powerful.

You can pray this with me if you like:

Prayer: Heavenly Father, thank You so much for Your grace and mercy. Please help me see through Your eyes and lay aside everything that holds me back from You. In the name of Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen!